Misc Jokes

How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner. Weigh
yourself again in the morning, before breakfast, without
clothes. It's nice to see how much weight you've lost
overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In
this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the
earrings, these things can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because
they are always five pounds off . . . to your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale
lighter.

7. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least
half a pound of hair (hopefully).

8. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the
scale. You don't want to weigh all the extra air do you?

9. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding
onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other
foot on and slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this
takes time, but it's
worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if
you'd stepped on normally.