Politics Jokes

Two Cows

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the
milk. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's
cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's
cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to
take care of the chickens the government took from the
chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires
you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk. DICTATORSHIP: You
have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government
fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an
apartment. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The
government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You
have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. AMERICAN
DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After the election, the president is
impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the
affair "Cowgate". BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.
You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government
doesn't do anything. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At
first the government regulates what you can feed them and
when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and
pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill
out forms accounting for the missing cows.. ANARCHY: You
have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of
them to your publicly - listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother - in - law at the bank, then
execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman
Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder,
who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the
listed company. The annual report says that the company
owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you
kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad.
ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you
from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf. TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they
ever existed. Milk is banned. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude,
there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of
this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The
government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read the
constitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas
about government. The cow runs for office, and while most
people agree that the cow is the best candidate, nobody
except the other cow votes for her because they think it
would be "throwing their vote away."