Politics Jokes

Government Policy: Snake Attack

The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual
for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells
what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda,the
largest snake in the world. It is a relative of the boa
constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in length and
weighs between three and four hundred pounds at the maximum.

This is what the manual said: 1. If you are attacked by an
anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your
sides, your legs tight against one another

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over
your body. 5. Do not panic 6. After the snake has
examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and
- always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet
and ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body.
You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as
little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and
very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth
between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife. 10. Be sure your knife is
sharp.