Politics Jokes

Bill Clinton Interview

Bill Clinton Interview

Ed: "Hello Mr. Clinton. How are things going lately?"

Clinton: "What the hell do you think? I’ve just been
impeached. Don’t you have a TV?"

Ed: "Yes, of course Sir, stupid question. I’m sorry. That
was very insensitive of me."

Clinton: "Damn right. Now let’s get this interview over
with. I’ve got some presidential duties I’ve got to perform
soon."

Ed: "Alright. First question, Sir. Why Monica? I mean, she’s
pretty bugly."

Clinton: "’Bugly’? Sorry son, don’t quite know what that
means."

Ed: "Oh, it’s a little word we say out here in California.
It’s ‘butt’ + ‘ugly’ put together. Bugly."

Clinton: "Well, son, when you got a wife like mine, who by
the way is very bugly, you don’t get around to screwing as
much as one would hope. And, my God, my horny level was about
this fricking high! I mean, even Socks started looking like a
mighty good pussy."

Ed: "Ahem..err…of course Sir. But what I mean is, Monica is
just so damn fat! She looks like she never ever swallowed,
you know what I mean?"

Clinton: "Well, my boy, like they say. You can’t have heat
if ya don’t got the meat."

Ed: "Oh, ha ha. Of course…some men like porky women. I
respect that. If I were you though, and Monica was sucking on
my cock, I’d be hella scared that she might have hot-dog
flashbacks and start chewing on my dick!"

Clinton: "That never bothered me much. Sure, I thought about
it when she went down on me, but I figured that my
‘presidential staff’ was bent crooked enough to dissuade her
of that cannibalistic possibility."

Ed: "Oh that’s right! Isn’t your pee pee bent, like, 62
degrees to the left, or something? How’d that happen?"

Clinton: "Humph!…..Grrr….I really wouldn’t not like to talk
about that."

Ed: "Come on! Come on! I’ll be your friend!"

Clinton: "Fine, okay. It all started years ago, back in my
college days. I was young, I was stupid, and I was ignorant.
In fact, believe or not, I was a damn virgin! Me, a virgin!"

(Ed Smiles)

Clinton: "Anyway, I was with the loser squad. Nobody invited
any of us to be in any fraternities. Even the geeky ass nerds
shunned us. So one day, me and my pals decided we were going
to do something great. Something so memorable that we were
gonna be school legends!"

Ed: "Wow, what’d you guys do?"

Clinton: "Well, my friend had a another friend who new some
guy whose girlfriend’s dad owned a farm. Man did we had the
connections! Now we needed to find somebody who owned a car."

Ed: "Did you?"

Clinton: "No. We ended up paying $400 to Chad Pilky for a
20-minute ride in his Pinto."

(Ed laughs, hard. Ha ha ha!)

Clinton: "Hey you little turd, you best not laugh or I’ll
pardon your father out of jail!"

Ed: "No! No! I’m sorry Sir, anything but that. My asshole
still hurts from my last visit home!"

Clinton: "That’s better. So, we ended up paying $400 to Chad
Pilky for a 20-minute ride in his Pinto. We got to the farm,
and luck be with us, nobody was home. My pals and I made our
way to the barn, and there he was. Little Bill, the billy
goat."

Ed: "Don’t tell me, you didn’t…..kill it, …did you?"

Clinton: "Not exactly, I mean, we didn’t mean to kill it."

Ed: "Good Lord! Our Commander in Chief killed a poor
defenseless billy goat!"

Clinton: "Hush! Shhhh! NO! It’s not like that. We didn’t
kill it. We just, ‘played’ with it."

Ed: "Oh…what’d you guys do? Play with it’s teets and drain
all of it’s milk?"

Clinton: "What the hell? I’m no queer! We just made it suck
our cocks!"

(Awkward Silence)

Clinton: "And you know goats, they’ll eat anything."

(Ed Shudders)

Clinton: "Boy! Where are you going?"

Ed: "Oh…no-where. So, you said the goat died?"

Clinton: "Yeah, turns out my friend Skippy had the flu, and
the goat just couldn’t fight off them little germies."

Ed: "Well, enough about your ‘sex life,’ Mr. Clinton."

Clinton: "What else is there to talk about?!"

Ed: "Hmmm…you’re right."

(Clinton takes another swig on his Budweiser.)

Clinton: "You really look like a nishe kid, Ed. Wouldja like
for me to tell you about de time that I screwed Hillary’s
dear old Mom?"

(Ed gulps)

Ed: "Sure Mr. President. Go ahead."

Clinton: "It was de year 1983, and, ha ha! We were vishiting
the in-lawshs, and uh….Hillary and her Daddy went off to
lunsch someplashe, while Hillary’sh mommy lay shick in the
bed. Like I shay before, my horny level went thish freaking
high! She never knew what shcrewed her! It’sh any man’s
dream!"

Ed: "What did you do after that, Sir?"

Clinton: "Why, I ran away."

Ed: "Ran away?"

Clinton: "Yesh, Shir, he who fucksh and runs away, livesh to
fuck again."

Ed: "Well, thanks for this interview Mr. President. I
learned a lot."

(Clinton gulps down the rest of his Bud.)

Clinton: "Where ye goingksh?"

Ed: "Uh….I’m going back home so I can post this interview on
the ‘net."

Clinton: "The ‘net! NO!"

Ed: "Yeah, the ‘net. Didn’t I tell you that tens of
thousands of people across the entire globe are going to be
reading this?"

(Clinton becomes red in the face.)

Clinton: "NO!"

Ed: "Sorry, my mistake. Bye!"

(Ed leaves the White House)

Ed: (Outside) "Geez, you’d think he’d be used to people
ratting him out by now."