Relationship Jokes

Man Explains Men to Women

This one is for those of you women who have long searched to
understand the intricate workings of the opposite sex. I hope
this explanation helps to clarify some "grey areas."

1) The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage
location.

2) Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I
will come home with the wrong thing.

3) When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can
still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during
timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to
this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an
immediate response.

4) When we are watching your show and I change the channels
during a commercial do not hassle me to change the channel
back because you think the commercials are over. I always
know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel
surfing do not ask me to go back. There was a good reason why
I skipped it.

5) If you need help with the laundry, I am more than
willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my
mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to
the couch.

6) If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do
something, it is not necessary for you to call his
wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

5) If you don't like the way I am driving, close your eyes.
And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making
that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything
yet and if I do, it will be your fault.

6) I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

7) Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get
dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten
minutes no matter what the occassion is. After all I am
getting dressed, not getting ready.

8) Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a
certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no
win situation and would rather just wait for you to get
dressed while watching TV.

9) If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished,
then you leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only
fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl.
What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

10) I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

11) Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like
stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.