Signs Jokes

Best T-shirts of the Summer

This was in the "Bob Levey's Washington" column in the
Washington Post. Every year he compiles and prints the "Best
T-shirts of the Summer"

1. (around a picture of dandelions) I Fought the Lawn and
the Lawn Won

2. So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me

3. I Suffer Occasional Delusions of Adequacy

4. God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends

5. If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going

6. At My Age, I've Seen It All, Done It All, Heard It All...
I Just Can't Remember It All

7. My Mother Is A Travel Agent For Guilt Trips

8. I Just Do What The Voices Inside My Head Tell Me To Do

9. (Worn by a pregnant woman) A Man Did This To Me, Oprah

10. If It's Called Tourist Season, Why Can't We Hunt Them?

11. Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount

12. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience With Princes,
Seeks Frog

13. No, It Doesn't Hurt (on a "well-tattooed gentleman")

14. (on the back of a passing motorcyclist) If You Can Read
This, My Wife Fell Off

15. I Used To Be Schizophrenic, But We're OK Now

16. (Over the outline of the state of Minnesota) My Governor
Can Beat Up Your Governor

17. Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came. I Saw. I Did a Little
Shopping.

18. What If The Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About

19. I Didn't Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a
Vegetarian

20. (on the Front) Yale Is Just One Big Party (on the back)
With a $25,000 Cover Charge

21. Coffee, Chocolate, Men...Some Things Are Just Better
Rich

22. Liberal Arts Major...Will Think For Money

23. Growing Old is Inevitable; Growing Up is Optional

24. IRS-Be Audit You Can Be
25. Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law.

26. If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In the Kitchen

27. Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

28. The Old Pro...Often Wrong...Never In Doubt

29. If At First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't For You

30. Old Age Comes at a Bad Time

31. In America, Anyone Can Be President.
That's One of the Risks You Take.

32. First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order.