Business Jokes

Office Antics

Office work dull?...None of your colleagues appreciate your
humour?

Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of
difficulty basis. You
can award yourself extra points for creative execution.


ONE-POINT GAGS

Run one lap around the office at top speed

Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other
'no Player' must
be in the bathroom at the time)

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name
and say "Just
called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over
your ears and
grimace.

When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and
whisper huskily,
"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"

Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it
out, say, "Sorry,
I really prefer it this way"

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
doors open.

THREE-POINT GAGS

Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barrelled
fingers.

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you
get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"

Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your
voice)

Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from
the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT GAGS

At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem
(extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch
you with growing
irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.

Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to
go do number two".

After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican
accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up
for one hour.

While an office mate is out, move their chair into the
elevator.

In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead
repeatedly and utter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut
up!"

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is
my witness,
I'll never go hungry again".

In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in
tights".

Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You
wanna trade?"

Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same
person: "Do you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I
can't talk about it."

Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's
won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
a very important conference call.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of
your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it
out.

Rollerblade around the floor throwing sweets.