Business Jokes

Corporate Travel Policy

Due to the current financial situation, changes will be made
to the Business Travel Standards and Procedures Manual.
Effective Monday the following revised procedures apply:

Lodging ---------- All employees are encouraged to stay with
relatives and friends while on business travel. If weather
permits, public areas such as parks should be used as
temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and
office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement
weather.

Transportation ---------------- Hitch-hiking is the
preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees
prior to their departure on business trips. Bus
transportation will be used only when work schedules require
such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized in extreme
circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example,
if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can
be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit
will be substituted for travel to Seattle.

Meals ------- Expenditures for meals will be limited to an
absolute minimum. It should be noted that certain grocery and
specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms, General Nutrition
centers, Costco, and Sam's Club often provide free samples of
promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this
manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous
roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their
destinations. If restaurants must be utilized, travelers
should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This is especially
effective for employees traveling together as one plate can
be used to feed the entire group.

Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food on
business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and Beefaroni can
be consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother of
heating or costly preparation.

Miscellaneous --------------- All employees are encouraged
to devise innovative techniques in effort to save company
dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested
that money could be raised during airport layover periods,
which could be used to defray travel expenses. In support of
this idea, red caps will be issued to all employees prior to
their departure so that they may earn tips by helping others
with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball point pens
will also be available to employees so that sales may be made
as time permits.

We welcome any suggestions for further cost cutting.