Business Jokes

Things You Would Love to Say at Work

Useful Expressions for those HIGH STRESS days

1. Well, aren't we just a ray of @#$%-ing sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
4. Do I look like a @#$%-ing people person?
5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent
lighting.
6. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
7. You! Off my planet!!
8. Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You
choose.
9. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.
10. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
11. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
12. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
13. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
15. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30
years.
16. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
17. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
18. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens
up.
19. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
20. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
21. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you
haven't fallen asleep yet.
22. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
23. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
24. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
25. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
26. Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 2?
27. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
28. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
29. Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
30. Earth is full. Go home.
31. Is it time for your medication or mine?
32. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
33. I plead contemporary insanity.
34. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
35. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
36. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
37. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of
@#$%.
40. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a
@#$%.
41. How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
42. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word
you're saying.
43. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate
yourself in public.
44. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
45. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
46. Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
47. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're
an artist.