Business Jokes

Clues that Accepting Your New Job Was a Mistake

1. First day on the job, I got up from my desk, walked 5
feet to a water fountain, took a drink, and walked back. PHB
screamed "Are you on break?!!". I just looked, shutdown my
computer and walked away. Moral of the story -- Don't yell at
the only network admin

2. Two hours into my first professional job, my new boss
introduced me to a group as "Lorin, who worked at company X
for seven years." I looked at her funny and said I'd never
worked there. She shrieked, "My God, I hired the wrong
person!"

3. First day on the job, boss asks you to write down your
list of hobbies. Why? Because he wanted to hand them back at
the end of the year, to remind you what you used to do when
you had free time.

4. Big news on the morning radio as you drive in the first
day: New company acquired by old company!

5. New company, My first day on the job I was served with a
subpoena in a discrimination suite.

6. After I accepted my old job they didn't get me a computer
for two months.... I was a secretary. My boss's boss had a
nervous
breakdown & left after 3 months. My desk & chair arrived
after 2 years & the director never knew who I was.

7. Fresh paint around the hole where the bullet exited
through your cubile wall

8. At the end of your first week of work enough "old timers"
have quit that you have the most senority in your
department.

9. The CFO asks if he could borrow a few bucks till payday

10. Sign over door says "Abandon hope, all ye who enter
here"

11. When I came in the second day by new boss looked at me
and gleefully said "Oh good!!! You came back!!!"

12. The guy who hired you is fired the next day.

13. Your new boss introduces you to your new coworkers
saying "Here's our latest victim, she'll be trying to clean
up the team's 9-month backlog. Hope she lasts longer than all
the others."

14. When you actually know all there is to know by day two.
And your co-workers are asking you for instructions..

15. All the other employees have the same last name as the
boss

16. Your boss says "You're my naughty little puppy now!"

17. "What do you need your own computer for? Can't you just
share with the secretary?" Ummmm, how the hell does a tech
writer write without their own computer??? HELLO??

18. Sorry, we forgot you were starting today. Here is a
folding chair and table. We'll try to get you a phone by next
week.

19. You find out your first day that the happy, productive
employees you met during the interview were actors hired by
the company so you couldn't meet the REAL employees

20. The lobby is full of people in team jackets with DEA,
FBI, ATF, etc. talking to their collars.

21. Satan comes around to your cubicle to point and laugh at
you very very often

22. The fire drill isn't a drill.

23. HR tells you to bring your own toilet paper.

24. All your new cow-workers carry Mace.

25. coworkers nickname you "Fresh Meat"

26. you boot up your computer, and find that the previous
person to occupy your position had set his suicide note as
his Desktop background.

27. When you get to work and a drill sgt. comes up and gets
in your face and screams, "Your butt is mine for the next 10
weeks!!"