Business Jokes

The Stock Market Report

Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were
up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a
few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose,
while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were
up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining
equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins
dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a
bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in
an attempt to recharge the market.