Business Jokes

No More Excessive Absences

To:All EmployeesFrom:Human Resources
DirectorSubject:Excessive Absences

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Due to the excessive
number of absenses from the office, the following rules and
procedures will be put into effect beginning immediately.

Sickness

No excuse; we will no longer accept your
doctor's statement as proof, as we

believe that if you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to

work.

Leaves of Absence (for an operation)

We
are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage
any thoughts that you may need an operation as we believe
that as long as you are an

employee here, you will need
all of whatever you have and you should not

consider
having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to
have

anything removed would certainly make you less than
we bargained for.

Death (other than your own)

This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them
and we are sure that someone else with a lessor position can
tend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held
in the late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one
hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead
enough to keep the job going in your absence.

Death (your own)

This will be accepted as an excuse
but we would like a two week notice, as

we feel it is your
duty to train your replacement.

Also, entirely
too much time is spent in the restroom. In the future we

will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For
instance,

those whose names beginning with "A" will go
from 8:00 to 8:15, "B" will go

from 8:15 to 8:30 and so
on. If you are unable to go at your appointed time, it will
be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes
again.