Business Jokes

Retirement Plan

As a result of automation as well as declining workload,
Management must of necessity take steps to reduce our work
force. A reduction in force plan has been developed which
appears the most equitable under the circumstances.

Under the plan, older employees, will be placed on early
retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who
represent the future of the company. Therefore, a program to
phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal
year via early retirement will be placed into effect
immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE (Retire Aged
Personnel Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity to seek
other jobs within the company, provided that while they are
being RAPED they request a review of their employment status
before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the
operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired
Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply
for a final review. This will be known as SHAFT (Study by
Higher Authority Following Termination). Program policy
dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice,
but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems
appropriate.