Computer Jokes

GM vs. Microsoft

****GM vs MICROSOFT***** At a recent computer expo
(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles
to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General
Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all
be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For
no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would
have tobuy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die
on the freeway for no reason, andyou would just accept this,
restart and drive on. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver
such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and
refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall
the engine. 5. Only one person at a time could use the car,
unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would
have to buy more seats. 6. Macintosh would make a car that
was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and
twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent
of the roads. 7. The oil, water temperature and alternator
warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car
default" warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone
to have the same size butt. 9. The airbag system would say
"Are you sure?" before going off. 10. Occasionally for no
reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to
let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 11. GM
would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though
they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete
this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target
for investigation by the Justice Department. 12. Every time
GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car. 13. You'd
press the "start" button to shut off the engine.