Computer Jokes

Cyber Relationship Break Up Letter

CYBER BREAK UP LETTER

Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),

I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic
removal of
unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online
affair. This
termination takes effect immediately, but only because I
could not make
it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this
action:

_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part,
competent,
your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the
romance out of it.

_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to
refer to me
has hurt my feelings.

_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance
of
punctuation.

_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you
were less
than honest:

· __ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a
man.

· __ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a
woman.

· __ You typed your own name at the end.

· __ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is
simply page 56
of a Jackie Collins novel.

· __ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you
are hiding
something from me.

· __ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS
test suggests
a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.

· __ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __
police record.

· __ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders
unless I wish
to face stalking charges.

· __ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer.

· __ Your mommie called me and yelled at me because of all
the time
you're spending on the computer.

· __ I have established a more personal relationship with
the Lord, and
I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you
can do to
ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are
closer than
you think.

· ___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me
leaves me
feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating.

· ___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are
only 14
violates the terms of my parole.

· ___ I am entering the witness protection program.

Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you
misbegotten son of a
bitch__ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia],
that there is
nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.

Any additional correspondence you may direct to my
attorney,

__ Sincerely,

__ Gleefully,

__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"

__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,

__ Good riddance,

[Name or alias]