Computer Jokes

Marooned

An ambitious investment banker finally decided to take a
vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life. ...at least for
awhile. A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down
and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the
shore of an island with no other people, no supplies,
nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 4-star hotels,
this guy had no idea what to do. So for the next four months
he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life,
and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement
out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was
the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to
him.

In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How
did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I
landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived.
How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a
rowboat wash up with you."

"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up,
nothing did."

He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh, simple." replied the woman "I made the rowboat out of
raw material that I found on the island. The oars were
whittled from Gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from Palm
branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus
tree."

"But-- but, that's impossible," stuttered the man, "you had
no tools or hardware, how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman, "on the south
side of the island there is a very unusual strata of alluvial
rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain
temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile
iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the
hardware. But, enough of that," she said. "Where do you
live?"

Sheepishly he confessed that he had been sleeping on the
beach the whole time.

"Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a
small wharf. As the man looked onto shore he nearly fell out
of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman
tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man
could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the
house, she said casually "It's not much, but I call it home.
Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no thank you" he said, still dazed, "can't take any
more coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a
still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted,
and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had
exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to
slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take
a shower and shave, there is a razor upstairs in the cabinet
in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the
bathroom.

There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle.
Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened on to
its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "This woman is
amazing," he mused, "what next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines
(strategically positioned) and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she
began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been
out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now,
something you've been longing for all these months? You
know... "

She stared into his eyes. He couldn't believe what he was
hearing: "You mean-- ?", he replied, "--I can check my voice
mail from here?"