Education Jokes

Improving the English Language

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC,
the European
Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of
improving
efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English
spelling is
unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough,
through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of
changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be

administered by a committee staff at top level by
participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest
using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all
sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be
replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this
klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters
kould be
made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year,
it was
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be
written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter
in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double leters
whish have
always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop them and kontinu to read
and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four
years sins the
skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as
replasing 'th'
by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by
'v', vitsh
is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o
kould be
dropd from vords kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of
kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a
reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and
evrivun vud find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of
the Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum tru.