Education Jokes

English Well Talking

Some times, things get lost in the translation . . .

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels
please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not
to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the
tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the
next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and
only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button
for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons,
each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is
then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the
front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at
the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with
pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of
the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery
where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and
writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate
the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you
nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make;
limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a
finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the
country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we
recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit
upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because
is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow
Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is
rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the
bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm
the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly
forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in
one tent unless they are married with each other for that
purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of
entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted
by the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of
water has been passed under the bridge since this variation
has been played.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and
spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our
horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like
to ride on your own ass?

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn
cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for
ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed
to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.

In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a
foreigner if dressed as a man.

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with
nuts.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags
and send them in all directions.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first
visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to
have children in the bar.

At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you
have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and
other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all
the water served here.

In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but
you'll find they are best in the long run.

>From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition
of warm in your room, please control yourself.

>From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When
passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet
him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage then tootle him with vigor.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.