Female Jokes

The Perfect Day

The Perfect Day for Her: 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday 8:45
Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00
Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Sauna, followed by a gentle massage, facial, manicure,
shampoo and comb out 12:30 Lunch with best friend at
outdoor cafe 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has
gained 30 lbs. 1:30 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap 4:30 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card
is from secret admirer 5:30 Pick out expensive outfit for
dinner, primp before the mirror 7:30 Candlelight dinner for
two followed by dancing 10:00 Hot shower (alone) 10:30
Make love 12:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
12:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms The Perfect Day
for Him: 6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blowjob 6:30 Massive dump
while reading sports section of USA Today 7:00 Breakfast,
filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee 7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport 8:15 DFW -
Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ) 9:30
Limo to Augusta National Golf Club 9:45 Front nine at
Augusta (2 under) 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half
shell, 3 Heinekens 12:15 Blowjob 12:30 Back nine Augusta
(4 under) 2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini) 2:30
Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap) 3:15 Late
afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless)crew
4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249 lbs) 5:00
G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy
Ireland 6:45 Shit, shower and shave 7:00 Watch CNN
newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal
video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole,
Al looks real cold) 7:30 Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom
Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York steak 9:00 Remy Martin and
Cuban Partagas cigar 9:30 Sex with three women (preferably
at least two with mixed race origin) 11:00 Massage and
Jacuzzi 11:45 Bed (alone) 11:50 12 second, 4 note fart,
dog leaves the room 11:55 Sleep