In Praise of Older Women

An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the
night & ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman
doesn't care what you think.

An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A
younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.

The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the
older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets ... which is why
nature intended young guys to go out with older women and
young women to go out with older men.

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day
without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam
jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is
almost always already attached to someone, so there's no
need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last
thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny,
dependent lover!

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you
that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young
woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break
up with her.

An older woman will never get pregnant and then
suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if
you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last
to know...

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't
help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.

An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's
using you.

Older women take charge of the situation. An older
woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger
woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial
Pizza Hut Take out.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her
girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when
she's with you, in case you get any ideas...

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having
an affair, because somehow they always know.

Older women often own an interesting collection of
lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the
years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus
practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a
screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a
public park.

Older women are experienced. They understand that
sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A
younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.

An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best
years of her youth because chances are someone else has
stolen them first.