Insults Jokes

Stuff you should never say to a cop

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
plugged in. And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic
said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must've been doin'
about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! That uniform
makes your ass look really big. Excuse me. Is "stick
up" hyphenated? I thought you had to be in relatively
good physical condition to be a Police Officer. You
don't happen to have any beer in your car, do you? "Bad
Cop! No Donut!" You're not gonna check the trunk, are
you? "Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence."
"Lets do it differently this time . . . I'll give YOU the
breathalizer test. Now stick this in your mouth and
blow" Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on Cops?
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my
girlfriend's nightstand. I bet I could grab that gun
before you finish writing my ticket. So, uh, you on the
take, or what? Those sirens are hurting my ears, turn
them off or I am not speaking to you. Gee,officer!
That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning,
too! "Aren't you the guy from the Village People?"
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just as long as
one of us does. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far
they are ahead of me. So, are you still crabby because
your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you
were little? Sorry I can't hear you over the radio. No,
I am not turning it down, I love this song. Either speak
up or just leave me alone. What do you mean 'have I
been drinking?' You're the trained specialist. Well,
when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell
off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and
gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Hey is
that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity
searches?