Male Jokes

If Men TRULY Ran The World

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt
and a "Nice
hustle, you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it
would only
occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the
day off to
go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the
same. But it
would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer
and pushed
off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative
pay-per-view event
in world history.

8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would
"Monday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9 Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words... "Ally McNaked".

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer
you responded
with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know
how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling
my beer all
over the place." Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards
per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.

17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to
kill and eat
the losers.

18. It would perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long
as you
returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could
present
your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're
#1!".

20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during
the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen
during a
time-out.

21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an
acceptable
response to "I love you".

22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be
an
acceptable excuse for tardiness.

24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you
would jump
out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus
and right
into your car.

25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
cards.