Marriages fail or succeed mostly because of the man - Pastor Mensa Otabil

Founder and leader of the International Central Gospel Church (ICGC), Pastor Mensa Otabil, has asserted that the success or failure of a marriage is largely determined by the man.

Speaking in an interview on the Christian Conversations podcast, co-hosted by ICGC New Wine leader Pastor Albert Ocran, Dr Otabil shared what he described as his personal and deeply held conviction about leadership and responsibility within marriage.

After expressing disagreement with men who use their position as heads of households to dominate or bully their partners, as well as women who assume control of relationships solely because of financial strength, the conversation turned to whether there is a middle ground that reflects maturity and genuine companionship rather than unhealthy power dynamics.

Emphasising that this was only his personal and deep belief, Dr Mensa Otabil said, "I believe marriages survive based on the man.

"Men determine the outcome of marriage; whether it'll work or not."

He explained that across cultural, social and historical contexts, particularly within Africa, men naturally assume leadership roles in marriage, regardless of being fit for the purpose or otherwise.

"Culturally, socially, historically, whether we plan or not, in every marriage, especially in an African context, the man assumes a leadership position. He may not be the most educated, he may not be the one who earns more money but just by being the man, they assume a kind of a leadership position," he explained.

He cautioned, however, that although this position is often given by tradition and society rather than earned, it must still be justified through action and character.

According to him, when a position or privilege is conferred on a person, "you have to justify it; you have to live up to it".

He said the "right" given by scripture, culture, society and wife to be the head or leader of the household must not be exercised with pride or entitlement but must be continually earned "for the rest of the marriage.

"You now have to show headship. Headship means, you're going to sacrifice."

He illustrated this idea with practical examples, saying: "If the two of you are eating and one piece is left of what you're eating, the head gives to the other. When there's a conflict of choice, the head makes concessions."

Pastor Otabil buttressed his position with the Pauline teaching that presents Jesus Christ as the ultimate husband who sacrificed himself for the good of his bride (the community of believers), describing this as the model for marital leadership.

He expressed the view that such sacrificial leadership naturally earns respect and love from a spouse, demonstrated by centuries of Christian devotion for Jesus given his recorded life and exploits in service of his followers.

"Men determine the tempreture of the marriage," Pastor Otabil emphasised.

He maintained his critique of attitudes that equate headship with control or intimidation, noting that this approach is widespread across Africa.

He urged men everywhere to instead understand leadership as duty and accountability, encouraging headship to be seen as "responsibilty, stewardship, something to account for".