The Young Priest

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The Young Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had
done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about
getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next
to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a
sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the
beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office
after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the shit out of
him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he
said, " Take this and eat it for it is my body."
He did not say, "Eat me!"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the
cherry."