Misc Jokes

The Humor of Steven Wright

The refined humor of Stephen Wright: Can atheists get
insurance for acts of God? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge,
would they call it FedUP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool
came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is
when I'm in the bathroom.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be
twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck
together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on
money they already know you don't have?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other
way?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

When I erase a word with a pencil where does it go?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to
touch it.

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?