Misc Jokes

Stupid People Stories

WHERE CAN I GET A JOB LIKE THAT?

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he
lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
the
man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself
up.

WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank account.

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY!

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a
blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in
the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.
"This is even worse than last year," said the distraught
homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security
system..."

THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
too small so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked
into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his
forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to
help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen.
Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a
6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power
drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing
brain.

DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect
who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"

OUCH, THAT SMARTS!!

A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a
dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his
Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot
down the front of his pants as he was running out the door.
"He was seen hopping and jumping around with an explosion
taking place inside his pants," said police spokesman Mike
Carey. Police have the man's charred trousers in custody.

ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this
her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man
shouted, "This is her husband!"

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!

In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King
used a thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket.