Misc Jokes

You Know You're a Mom When . . .

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor . . . and
you don't care.

2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in
a room together and not let them out until someone's
bleeding.

3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend
to call you, and you run around the house madly, following
the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the
laundry basket.

4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.

5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a
child leaking bodily fluids on you.

6. Popsicles become a food staple.

7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a
day.

9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless
of where it is.

10. Your baby's pacifier falls on the floor and you give it
back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your
too busy to wash it off.

11. Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping,
ect. and you think it's funny.

12. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you
spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs
up on YOU!

13. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

14. You're up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting,
wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping,
cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up,
changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with
homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding
clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing,
chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging,
playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling
dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles,
sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping
rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing,
gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30
AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the
bathroom, and yet . . . you STILL managed to gain 10 pounds.

15. In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light
fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the
toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe
working conditions.

16. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

17. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice
crispies bars.