Misc Jokes

Things I Learned as a Child

~ No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

~When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your
hair.

~If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always
catch the
second person.

~You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

~Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

~Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

~Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.

~Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.

~School lunches stick to the wall.

~You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

~Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

~The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

~It's hard to unlearn a bad word.

~It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.

~A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.

~Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.

~Twelve is a lot older than eight.

~Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.

~Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless you're
absolutely
sure there's a slow kid behind you.

~If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

~Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.

~You can't start over just because you're losing the game.

~A snow day is more fun than a vacation day.

~All libraries smell the same.

~If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.

~Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished
studying.

~Silence can be an answer.

~If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it
back.

~Don't nod on the phone.