Misc Jokes

California Drivers License

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name: ______________ Stage name: ___________________

Agent: ______________ Attorney: ____________________

Publicist _____________ Manicurist/hair stylist ___________

Sex: __ male __ female __ formerly male __formerly female __
both __

If female, indicate breast implant size: ____

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely
operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes ___ No ___

Occupation: [ ] Lawyer [ ] Actor/Waiter [ ]
Filmmaker/Self-employed [ ] Writer [ ] Car Dealer [ ]
Panhandler [ ] Agent [ ] Hooker/Transvestite [ ] Other;
please explain: ______________

Please indicate how many times you expect to have sex in
car: ____

Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this
sex.______

Please list:

Brand of cell phone: __________.

(If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)

Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum
Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue ]

Skinhead Men: Please list shade of hair plugs.

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check
all that apply) [ ] Eating a wrap [ ] Applying make-up [ ]
Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat [ ]
Having sex [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ]
Tanning [ ] Snorting cocaine [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading
Variety [ ] Surfing the Net via your laptop

Please indicate how many times: a) you expect to shoot at
other drivers ____ b) how many times you expect to be shot at
while driving ____

If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should
immediately: a) Call the police to report the crime; b) Call
Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on
the news on a high-speed chase; c) Call your attorney and
discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call
not going through; d) Call your therapist; e) None of the
above (South Central residents only).

Please indicate if you drive a: a) Beamer, b) Lexus, c)
Mercedes, or d) Toyota. If your answer is D, please add six
to eight weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's
license.

In the event of an earthquake, should you: a) stop your car,
b) keep driving and hope for the best, c) immediately use
your cell phone to call all loved ones, or d) pull out your
video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4?

In the instance of rain, you should: a) never drive over 5
MPH, b) drive twice as fast as usual, or c) you're not sure
what "rain" is.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac; b) Zovirax; c) Lithium; d) Zantax; e) Viagra. If
none, please explain: __________________.

Length of daily commute: a) 1 hour; b) 2 hours; c) 3 hours;
d) 4 hours or more.

When stopped by police, should you a) pull over and have
your driver's license and insurance form ready, b) try to
outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405, c) have your
video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring
yourself of a hefty lawsuit? d) reload before coming to a
complete stop.