Misc Jokes

Laws Of Golf

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot
was, the worst is yet to come.

This law does not expire on
the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural

tendency to
extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and,

eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf
will be followed almost immediately by your

worst round
ever. The probability of the latter increases with the
number

of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot
be

proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more
expensive the golf

ball, the greater its attraction to
water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees
back into play. If one does,

the tree is breaking a law of
the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: No matter
what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing

partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the
wrath of the

universe.

LAW 6: The higher a golfer's
handicap, the more qualified he deems himself

as an
instuctor.

LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world
has a secret desire to humiliate

golfers. The shorter the
hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron
is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9: Palm
trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it
isn't, how do you explain the way it works

against you?

LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the
farthest point from the

clubhouse.

LAW 12: A golfer
hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone

in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into
will consist of

a football player, a professional
wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS

agent -- or some
similar combination.

LAW 13: All 3-woods are
demon-possessed.

LAW 14: Golf balls from the same
"sleeve" tend to follow one another,

particularly out of
bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15: A
severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt."
Similarly,

"tough break" can usually be translated "way to
miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17: The person you
would most hate to lose to will always be the one

who
beats you.

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round
will automatically adjust your

score to what it really
should be.

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least
twice per month.

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf
course shall be valid only until the

sunset of the same
day.