Misc Jokes

Amusing Headlines

59 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists)
================================================== 1.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police
Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say
School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets
Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins
Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head
Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9.
Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope 11. Panda
Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 12. Soviet Virgin Lands
Short of Goal Again 13. British Left Waffles on Falkland
Islands 14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms 15. Eye Drops off
Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 17. Reagan Wins on
Budget, But More Lies Ahead 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 20. Enraged Cow
Injures Farmer with Ax 21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash
Probe Told 22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death 23. Juvenile
Court to Try Shooting Defendant 24. Stolen Painting Found by
Tree 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 26. Two Sisters
Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter 27. Killer
Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years 28. Never
Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One 29. Drunken Drivers
Paid $1000 in `84 30. War Dims Hope for Peace 31. If Strike
isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 32. Cold Wave
Linked to Temperatures 33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 35. Deer
Kill 17,000 36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge 38. New
Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 39. Astronaut
Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 40. Kids Make Nutritious
Snacks 41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy 42.
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire 43. British Union
Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply 44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in
Trotwood 45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees 46. Local
High School Dropouts Cut in Half 47. New Vaccine May Contain
Rabies 48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing 49. Deaf College
Opens Doors to Hearing 50. Air Head Fired 51. Steals Clock,
Faces Time 52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni 54. Bank
Drive-in Window Blocked by Board 55. Hospitals are Sued by 7
Foot Doctors 56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training 58.
Include your Children When Baking Cookies 59. 4-H Girls Win
Prizes for Fat Calves