Misc Jokes

Fighter Aircraft Ownership Survey

OWNERSHIP SURVEY

This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell
Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a
sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a
sense of humor), and made the web department take it down
immediately. (In case you don't know: McDonnell-Douglas is
one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.)
================================

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell-Douglas military
aircraft.

In order to protect your new investment, please take a few
moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best
meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_]
Gen. [_]Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name:
....................................................

Initial: ........

Last Name:
.....................................................

Password: .............................. (max 8 char)

Code Name:
.....................................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
..........

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat [_] F-15 Eagle [_] F-16 Falcon [_] F-117A
Stealth [_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... / .......
/......

4. Serial
Number:................................................

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift [_] Aid package [_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker [_] Mail order [_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus [_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell
Douglas product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up [_] Store display [_]
Espionage [_] Recommended by friend/relative/ally [_]
Political lobbying by manufacturer [_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced
your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style/Appearance [_] Speed/Maneuverability [_]
Price/Value [_] Comfort/Convenience [_] Kickback/Bribe [_]
Recommended by salesperson [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems [_] Backroom politics [_]
Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be
used:

[_] North America [_] Iraq [_] Central/South America [_]
Iraq [_] Aircraft carrier [_] Iraq [_] Europe [_] Iraq [_]
Middle East (not Iraq) [_] Iraq [_] Africa [_] Iraq [_]
Asia/Far East [_] Iraq [_] Misc. Third World countries [_]
Iraq [_] Classified [_] Iraq

9. Please check the products that you currently own or
intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV [_] VCR [_] ICBM [_] Killer Satellite [_] CD
Player [_] Air-to-Air Missiles [_] Space Shuttle [_] Home
Computer [_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
(Check all that apply.)

[_] Communist/Socialist [_] Terrorist [_] Crazed [_] Neutral
[_] Democratic [_] Dictatorship [_] Corrupt [_]
Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending [_] Cash [_] Suitcases of cocaine [_]
Oil revenues [_] Personal check [_] Credit card [_] Ransom
money [_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker [_] Sales/Marketing [_] Revolutionary [_]
Clerical [_] Mercenary [_] Tyrant [_] Postal Worker [_]
Middle management [_] Eccentric billionaire [_] Defense
Minister/General [_] Retired [_] Student

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please
indicate the interests and activities in which you and your
spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf [_] Boating/Sailing [_] Sabotage [_]
Running/Jogging [_] Propaganda/Disinformation [_]
Destabilization/Overthrow [_] Default on loans [_] Gardening
[_] Crafts [_] Black market/Smuggling [_]
Collectibles/Collections [_] Watching sports on TV [_] Wines
[_] Interrogation/Torture [_] Household pets [_] Crushing
rebellions [_] Espionage/Reconnaissance [_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this
questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies
that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the
future -- as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
groups, and mysterious consortia.

As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder
Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please
write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military
Aerospace Division