Computer Jokes

Husband 1.0 is Malfunctioning

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes
to the accounting software, severely limiting access to
wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated
flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the
product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many
other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5,
CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball
5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the
system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging
14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to
fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited
effectiveness.

Can you help please ?!!!!

Jane



Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade
from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that
Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed
by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to
Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do
this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program
files from the system, once installed.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I would suggest you
read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults
(GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly
installed by the parent company as an integral part of the
operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility
for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To
activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I
THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME"

Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while
entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the
applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can
create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU
may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE command before the system
will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause
Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet,
Beer 6.0.

Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to
create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are
very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following
this tech tip!

Just remember, the system will run smoothly and take the
blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can
only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0
ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve
performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie
5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities
can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After
several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and
you will find many valuable embedded features such as
FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any
circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a
supported application, and will cause selective shut down of
the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4
and Hunting 5.2 or Golfing 2.3 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is
uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to
install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the
best of luck in coming years. "We trust you will learn to
fully enjoy this product!