Computer Jokes

If Operating Systems were Beers

If Operating Systems were Beers

DOS Beer:

Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to
read the directions carefully before opening the can.
Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a
16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments
of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to
be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer:

At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz.
can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans
look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens
itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call
to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't
need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your
empties to the trashcan.

Windows 3.1 Beer:

The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a
lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS
Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of
them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the
Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no
reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer:

Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS
beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer
simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its
cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them
up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the
manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9
million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer:

New to the market, and a lot of people have taste-tested it
and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's
can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in
32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16
oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking
Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and
say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the
small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in
DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an
entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer:

Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the
truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy
bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1
Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look
just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts
shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
suggested only for use in bars.

Unix Beer:

Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8
oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand
loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands
taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when
you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener
around for those occasions, in which case you either need a
complete set of instructions or a friend who has been
drinking Unix Beer for several years.

AmigaDOS Beer:

The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has
been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer
will be an import. This beer never really sold very well
because the original manufacturer didn't understand
marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a
16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can
was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colourful,
but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it
appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only
meant for watching TV anyway.

VMS Beer:

Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the
top and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to
explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best
drunk in high pressure development environments. When you
call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're
told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing
in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumours are that this
was once listed in the Physician's Desk Reference as a
tranquilliser, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.