Computer Jokes

Crazy Times Virus

If you receive an email entitled "Crazy Times" delete it
immediately. Do not open it! Apparently this one is pretty
nasty.

1) It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but
it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your
computer.

2) It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.



3) It reprograms your ATM access code, messes up the
tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CD's you attempt to play.


4) It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness
settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

5) It will program your phone autodial to call only your
mother-in-law's number.

6) This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

7) It will drink all your beer.

8) It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you
are expecting company.

9) Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and
bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind
your ears.

10) It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair
with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend
behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your
Visa card.

11) It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things
in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

12) It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

13) It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your
active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable
misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key
sentences.

14) If the "Crazy Times" message is opened in a Windows 95
environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your
hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

15) It will not only remove the tags from your mattresses
and pillows, but it will also refill your skimmed milk with
whole milk.

16) It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.

18) It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,
causing it to smell like dill pickles.(Remember Brut 33 ?)

It is insidious and subtle.

It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.

It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection.