Education Jokes

Letter from MIT

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John
Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them.
Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence
at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment
letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once
was.

April 18, 1994

Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567

Dear John:

You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores.
And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised.
Most students would be.

But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge
you to consider carefully one of the most selective
universities in America.

The level of potential reflected in your performance is a
powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent
candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!

Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you
to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from
architecture to brain and
cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program
in the country) to writing.

What? Of course, you don't want to be bored. Who does? Life
here is tough and demanding, but it's also fun. MIT students
are imaginative and creative - inside and outside the
classroom.

You're interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity
teams - 39 - than almost any other university, and a
tremendous intramural program so
everybody can participate.

You think we're too expensive? Don't be too sure. We've got
surprises for you there, too.

Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out
more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?

Sincerely,

Michael C. Benhke
Director of Admissions

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled
brochure, "Insight," just check the appropriate box on the
form.


May 5, 1994

Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307

Dear Michael:

You've got the reputation. You've certainly got the
pomposity. And now you've got a letter from John Mongan.
Maybe you're surprised. Most
universities would be.

But you're not most universities. And that's exactly why I
urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective
students in America, so
selective that he will choose only one of the thousands of
accredited universities in the country.

The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your
letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution
might well be a possibility
for John Mongan's future education. It certainly got my
attention!

Don't want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise
you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of
study, from semantics to
limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of
the youngest professionals
in the country) to classical piano.

What? Of course you don't want egotistical jerks. Who does?
I am self indulgent and over confident, but I'm also amusing.
John Mongan is funny
and amusing - whether you're laughing with him or at him.

You're interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played
more sports - 47 - than almost any other student, including
oddball favorites such as
Orienteering.

You think I can pay for your school? Don't be too sure. I've
got surprises for you there, too.

Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to
increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why
not do it right now?

Sincerely,

John Mongan

P.S. If you'd like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled
brochure, "John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.

John never got a reply.