Gender Jokes

The Differences Between Men and Women

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they
will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT:

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each
throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them
will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they
want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket
calculators.

MONEY:

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but
it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday
Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these
items.

ARGUMENTS:

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

CATS:

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.

FUTURE:

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and
she does.

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the
mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends,
favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Any married man should forget his mistakes.

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.